After Witness
by Ekclectic
Summary: As the title implies... this is a a triptych of my ideal way events would play out after the way the episode "Witness" concluded. Rated M to be on the safe - Final Chapter
1. Restless

Disclaimer: All character's mentioned are property of NBC / Dick Wolf

Warning: I am sure everyone has already seen both episodes but if not… contains slight spoilers for "Witness" and "Shattered"

_**Restless**_

She slowly slid her tall lean frame beneath the thin cool sheets. The sweltering heat that permeated the air around her was forgotten as she folded her hands behind her head and let her thoughts drift to the one person she had never been able to forget.

Olivia Benson.

No matter how badly she wanted to stay, she always managed to leave before things between the two of them could be settled. There was no denying their mutual attraction - though the subject had never been broached. Enough looks had been exchanged and on the rare occasions when they violated each other's personal space the air between them had been charged with what she could only have described as sexual tension - and the four times they had allowed their bare skin to brush together "accidently", had been nothing short of electric.

Alex sighed and turned to her side, looking at the blank wall of the small room she had been assigned to. Her work here was difficult, but nothing short of rewarding - despite the physical danger she dealt with day after day, she knew she was giving hope to those women, who had previously had none. She always told herself the same thing when memories of the brunette detective threatened to overwhelm her. She hated the way she had left things between them.

She had never meant for Olivia to find out the way she did, nor had she anticipated the backlash from such a discovery. After leaving the two detectives on the courthouse steps she had received a message to meet Olivia on the rooftop of the one six. Alex closed her eyes as she re-lived that last encounter.

_The wind had been fierce that day and her coat had whipped around her body as she slowly closed the door to the stairwell - wondering why it was that Olivia had insisted upon meeting her in such an unusual location. At first she thought the detective had stood her up but as she rounded the corner she had been struck by the sheet beauty of the sight that greeted her. _

_Olivia stood motionless as the biting wind whipped her long hair away from her face. She stood arms crossed over her ample chest - the backdrop of a setting sun and the New York skyline making her seem powerful, timeless and incredibly, even more attractive. Alex felt her breath catch as her heart began to ache acutely. She would have been content to simply stare but her heels had no doubt given her away and she was instantly caught in a molten stare by warm, deep brown eyes that now swam with unshed tears._

_This was a side of Olivia she had rarely seen and one she had hoped never to see again. It reminded her too much of the night she had been dragged into Witness Protection. It reminded her of the numerous times she had hurt the woman in front of her, the numerous times she had let her favorite detective down. A raspy voice pulled her from her thoughts._

"_Why couldn't you have told me yourself Alex? Why is it that every time you decide you don't want to be a part of our lives we get to hear it from someone else?"_

_Alex swallowed slowly. Honestly she didn't have an answer and Olivia so richly deserved one - especially after nine years had passed since they had first met. Especially since she had given Alex chance after chance at redemption. _

"_I was going to Olivia. I had every intention of inviting you to dinner tonight to talk about this. I had no idea my witness was going to tell you…"_

_A cool voice cut across her explanation._

"_The fact that she even knew before the rest of us is inexcusable Alex."_

_She felt her head nod in agreement._

"_You are right Olivia, but I felt I owed it to her - to let her know that things were going to change. That her courage would be rewarded, that someone cared."_

_It happened so fast Alex scarcely had time to register the firm grip that had wrapped around her upper arms and the cool press of concrete against her back as she found herself pinned by what appeared to be a very angry member of New York's finest. She felt the warm wash of Olivia's breath against her face as the detective whispered achingly._

"_What about what you owe me Alex?"_

_She felt the cool texture of a leather glove as it pressed itself between the valley of her breasts, directly above her pounding heart. _

"_I know you feel it too. I feel your heart pounding and I can see the tension in your body and know it matches mine. It broke my heart to think your life had been stolen that night and it broke again to know that even though you lived you were going to still lose everything you had worked for. I promised myself I would never do this. I would never confess to the way you made me feel, that I would never force you to choose - but I can't keep doing this. I can't keep waiting for you to come back to me, to my squad whenever the mood strikes. You were in New York how long before McCoy __**made **__you return to SVU? You came back determined to leave that part of your life behind. If you leave now Alex, I won't wait a third time."_

_Alex shuddered against the confession, against the close proximity of Olivia's body and against the overwhelming desire to withdraw her request for a leave of absence. She had no idea how long they stood like that, but when she blinked darkness had almost fallen. She felt gloved hands softly caress and cup her cheeks, smooth leather slid across and over her parted lips and Alex felt her head tipped to the side as warm soft lips covered her own. The kiss was deep, slow and sweet but over just as quickly as it had started and the last thing Alex remembered was the whispered goodbye and then the silence that came with being truly alone in the world._

Alex closed her eyes and let the single tear slide down her cheek. What a fool she had been. She had tried to contact the detective later that night and every night after until she had arrived at the airport to board the flight that would put more miles between her and the one person she had always loved. Her body shook despite the humidity in the room. She wrapped her arms around herself, imagining it was Olivia who held her as she let her body fall into exhaustion.

Olivia leaned against the rusted frame of her fire escape and looked out over her small corner of the world. It was warmer than usual this time of year and the unexpected heat made her think of blonde who had occupied so many of her thoughts for so many years. She licked her lips slowly. Even six months after that brief kiss she could still taste the former ADA. She knew she would never come to terms with the way she felt about Alex. Her first impression of the forceful blonde had not been favorable and she had agreed with Elliot that the young woman's only reason for accepting the assignment to SVU was almost assuredly political - why else would anyone that beautiful and that brilliant accept an assignment to prosecute one of the most difficult area's of law.

Beautiful and brilliant.

Alexandra Cabot was the embodiment of those two words. Flawless features were not enough to detract from the sharp legal mind that lurked beneath the smooth veneer. Despite her desire to dislike the young lawyer, Olivia had found herself captivated from day one and the feeling had never dissipated - not even after nine years.

Olivia shook her head and took a long swallow from the cold beer she held in her hand. The one drink was all the solace she allowed herself to seek after a long day. Solace. She scoffed at the word as a familiar bitterness set in. It had been six months since she had last held Alexandra Cabot, albeit briefly - six months since they had last spoke and six months since she had felt whole. She took another long drink and sighed. How could she have been so foolish as to fall in love with a woman who had no interest in anything more than an off and on friendship?

She wondered again what it was that had made Alex so special. Surely the unit had had a string of interesting and, for the most part, competent ADA's since the blonde's stint in WP. It had taken time for Novak to get used to the cases but she had become one of the team up until her disbarment. Greyleck had been just as beautiful, just as brilliant and just as passionate as Alex - yet Olivia had never felt anything more than a reluctant admiration for the young prosecutor. EADA Paxton had been an intense bitch but her drive for perfection had pushed Elliot and her to dig deeper into their cases - that is up until her alcoholic debut in front of open court. Their newest ADA was also at an executive level and had previously been a cop - her partner's ex partner and Olivia had yet to form a concrete opinion of the intense woman.

She shook her head again. The cases were starting to get to her and she found her ability to compartmentalize fading with every case she worked. She was getting burned out and she knew it. This latest case had shattered her objectivity. Having to press her hands down, applying pressure as blood seeped through her fingers had taken her back to the night Alex had been shot. At one point she had looked down and felt her heart breaking all over again as Melinda Warner's face changed into immediately recognizable alabaster features and blank blue eyes. She had blinked herself back into reality, placing her mind back into the game so that she could save rather than let go.

Olivia looked down at her hands and found she could still see the bloodstains. She had felt the same way weeks after seeing and saying goodbye to Alex. Every night she had awakened drenched in sweat, her heart pounding as her mind punished her for her failure to protect the women she professed to love. She swallowed another long drink and held the bottle up, swirling the remaining amber colored contents. It was nights like this that made her want to re-think her choices - it was nights like this that made her wish she could let the past go and move forward with her life. She had given up so much for the job and had taken nothing for herself - the one thing she wanted most was now definitely beyond her reach. As she looked up into the night sky, she found herself wondering if Alex ever thought of her.

Alex flashed a bright smile at young children that ran, played and danced around her group. Despite the poverty in which they lived, these children still retained a youthful hope and carefree attitude and Alex found herself struck amazed at their resilience. She lifted her wrist to check her watch, concerned that she had let time escape her. She needed to get back to the compound, shower and change for her meeting with the local officials. She also had to finish preparing her argument for the UN and she also had to make the decision to go back to New York while she awaited her next assignment or to stay in the Congo to help the women she had so easily befriended. She didn't know if she could face Olivia again. She didn't want to know that the beautiful detective had moved on, she didn't want to know that she was so easily forgotten; but the desire to lay her eyes on the older woman was so strong Alex didn't know if she could choose to stay away. She felt torn, but hid her emotions behind the stress and importance of what she had to do as she smiled at the villagers - saying her goodbyes and making her excuses before departing.

She tipped her head back under the lukewarm spray of water and sighed as she slid her hands over her soapy wet skin. Her mind flashed a vision of Olivia and immediately Alex felt her body hum and tingle as she imagined the strong hands that had so firmly held her restless body still on that roof, running across her body. A pulse of desire hit her - hard, and she felt her knees buckle slightly, her hand splayed against the wall to hold herself up That single response made up her mind for her. She needed to go back to New York and she needed to make things right. Even if nothing came from it she wanted Olivia to know that she was not the only one who wanted the forbidden, that she wasn't the only one that felt lost when they were apart. Mind made up she quickly finished her shower and made preparations to leave after she spoke with the UN.

Olivia sat heavily at her desk and frowned. Cragen had ordered her to take some time off - just as he always did after she dealt with a difficult case. And always, she paid lip service to his offer only to find herself back at work the next day. After all, what did they expect, this was the life she had chosen. She noticed her partner was missing and felt her lips curve into a small smile. It was good Elliot had stayed home - too often he came in to keep her company but the past few years of dealing with a strained marriage had shed some light on the man and now he stayed home more often than not. She was proud he was giving his marriage another shot - Kathy was a good woman, wife and mother and he would have been a fool to let that go. She envied him - but she loved that he had something more than cold case files to go home to.

She slid her fingertips over the bouquet that had been delivered earlier that morning. It had been two weeks since the incident at the ME's and though she didn't feel as though she had done anything that Melinda would not have done for her, she appreciate the gracious gesture of thanks. Her stomach still turned slightly when she remembered how hard she'd had to press that scalpel into living flesh and the rough way she'd had to force the small piece of tubing into the open wound. Shaking her head to clear the memories she caught Fin's eyes as he stared over at her and smiled. The tale of her brief foray into playing doctor had spread throughout the precinct and she'd been subjected to the hero worship by far too many people. She was no hero. She had only done what she had had to - just as she did every day she spent working at this job.

Having no pressing cases, Olivia opened her email and sat, staring at the blank screen. She did this all too often as a part of her yearned to contact Alexandra Cabot. She had written letter after letter only to delete them after her feelings had been purged. They all started out the same way and ended with the three words she had never had the courage to utter in person. She was startled by the sound of her name and minimized the open window before turning around to see the disappointed look on her Captain's face.

"Olivia, I thought I told you to take some time off."

She nodded and looked away, her gaze falling to the stack of files on her desk. She felt the weight of a heavy hand resting on her shoulder.

"You've got to stop doing this Olivia. This place shouldn't be your life. You are a beautiful woman - go out - live a little."

She moved, letting the hand fall off her shoulder as she picked up a file, opening it to an incomplete page.

"I've seem more of life than I ever wanted to being in this squad. I'm fine Captain and I will go home early, I just want to finish my paperwork."

He stepped back in silence and watched the dark haired women for a moment. She was like a daughter to him and he had watched her grow from a women wrought with inner demons to the strong secure person in front of him. He hated to see her give up on having something - someone - outside of the job, but he couldn't council her to reconsider… after all… the job was his life too. He walked back to his office, he had his own pile of paperwork to complete.

Alex stared at door to Olivia's apartment. She had come straight from her hotel and had not been surprised to find nobody home. She had not wanted to call, had not wanted to alert the beautiful women that she was in town. Her last attempt at contacting the detective had not ended in success. She rested her back against the wall and wondered just how late Olivia would be. She was prepared to wait this out. She had two weeks before she would be re-assigned and was too stubborn to take no for an answer - she only hoped that tonight didn't end in a battle of wills. She heard heavy footsteps and what sounded like the sound of a heavy bag dropping to the floor followed by a barrage of soft curse words. She scarcely had time to prepare herself before the woman she was waiting for rounded the corner. She walked briskly head down as her hand sifted through her purse and Alex found her lips curling in amusement. Not wanting to startle the detective, she stepped aside and stood silently.

Olivia frowned in concentration, mentally cursing her decision to wear pants without pockets and the purse with its damning depths. She exclaimed excitedly as her fingers closed over her keys and as she slid the key into the lock she felt an odd tingle at the base of her spine. The air seemed warmer and she sniffed, frozen as a familiar fragrance assaulted her senses. She slowly swallowed and spoke softly, hating the husky tone her voice took on.

"How long have you been standing there?"

Alex felt her eyebrow lift at the impressive detective skills. Without even turning her head Olivia knew it was her. She started to ask how the detective knew but had her question answered as Olivia swung her door open.

"It must have been awhile - the whole hallway smells like you."

Alex felt her eyes narrow as she followed the detective into her apartment, not bothering to wait for permission, taking the still open door an invite. She leaned against the frame and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Was that your attempt at a compliment?"

Olivia slid her leather coat off of her shoulders, throwing it across the couch as she slid her gun and badge off of her belt.

"No, simply a statement of fact."

Alex stepped deeper into the small apartment, closing the door behind her. She caught the trapped look in the deep brown eyes that glanced back at her and felt the air thicken. She bit her lower lip, a habit she had retained from her time in hiding, and slowly slid her own coat off, letting it join the leather jacket on the couch. She let her fingertips slowly slide over the familiar material, resisting the urge to lift the leather to her face and inhale the warm clean scent she knew she would find there. She had gone over what she wanted to say during the long flight home. She had played with different scenarios - ones where Olivia would push her away, ones where the detective would take up where she had left things on the rooftop, ones where they would fight, scream and even ones that mirrored this… silence. It was unsettling and Alex found herself at a loss for both words and actions as she watched the woman who had been all she could think about pointedly ignore her presence.

Olivia forced herself to ignore the tall blonde. Her heart hammered against her chest and she fought to keep her hands steady as she filled the kettle up and turned her stove on to heat enough water for a cup of tea. A single cup of tea, she told herself, purposefully only putting in enough liquid to do just that. It was an ungracious thing for a host to do, but since she had never invited Alex in, she felt justified with the ill treatment. Part of her wanted to ask what the former ADA was doing here, back in New York, back in her life but she refrained. Part of her wanted to grab the slender frame and demand an explanation and part of her wanted nothing more than to peel back the layers of clothing that separated them and give into the lust that pulsed through her body. It was the latter reason that made her keep her distance. She wasn't ready to confront her harried rooftop confession and the lack of response from Alex had not been encouraging. It had been her own anger and embarrassment that had kept her from accepting or returning any of the lawyer's calls prior to her leaving for overseas. As far as she was concerned she had said her goodbye's and was in no hurry to say her hello's.

Alex watched the jerky way Olivia moved as she transitioned from sink to stove, from stove to sink, from kitchen to hallway and beyond. Having been witness to the natural grace that radiated from the brunette, Alex knew her presence was not unnoticed and she could recognize the attempt at ignoring it. The familiar stubborn action made her smile. At least that had not changed. Minutes passed and for a moment Alex thought she had been left alone in the living room indefinitely but the shrill whistle from the tea pot made her jump and she walked to the kitchen to take it away for the heat that made it scream. She lifted the handle and slowly poured the steaming water into the cup Olivia had left on her counter - smiling faintly when she found there was only enough water for a single cup. She looked up at the broken tone that greeted her attempt to finish preparing the tea the way she remembered the detective liked it.

"Don't"

Alex found herself trapped by a shower dampened Olivia whose eyes looked imploringly into hers as she repeated her request to stop. Slowly Alex backed away from the steaming cup and leaned against the counter in the small partially enclosed kitchen. She wanted so badly to reach out, to pull that athletic frame against her and ask the thousands of questions she had never given voice to. She let her eyes wander over the familiar frame, noticing the small differences that enhanced rather then detracted from the older woman's beauty. Her hair was much longer, her frame only slightly thicker, her muscles stood more pronounced and there were lines in her face that had not been there since they had last seen one another. It was obvious the past six months had been rough and Alex wondered if it was personal or just the job. Deciding to break the silence she inquired into the only neutral area she could think of.

"How is Elliot?"

Olivia rounded on the tall lithe woman invading her kitchen and glared.

"You came back all the way from Africa to ask me how my partner was doing? If you want to know so badly he still lives in Queens - go ask him yourself."

Alex felt her eyes widen, taken back by the animosity that seethed from the calm voice. She could have cared less how Elliot Stabler was doing, she had only asked thinking that it was safer than asking how things were at the one six. Dejectedly she straightened, pulling away from the counter as she took a chance and reached her hand out, letting it rest lightly on smooth damp flesh of Olivia's forearm.

"I didn't come back for Elliot… I came back for you - for… us… if there is still an us."

Olivia almost jerked her arm away but the soft words stilled her movements and she looked over into the impossibly blue eyes that never failed to take her breath away. She started to deny that there was an "us" between them but the words stuck in her throat. She acted on instinct instead, giving in briefly to the need that had always threatened to consume her all the times she had found herself alone with the striking attorney. She reached out swiftly, wrapping her arm around a trim waist, her fingertips digging into soft flesh as she roughly pulled the other woman against her. Her other hand buried itself in long blonde hair, cupping the back of Alex's head as she crushed their lips together.

Alex felt her body jerked forward and her mouth assaulted before her mind had even caught up to what was happening. Even caught up, she ceased to think as she wrapped a free arm around the detective's neck and parted her lips - encouraging the shared kiss to deepen. Her tongue slid against Olivia's slowly and tangled in an attempt to mutually please and taste. She felt her back pressed against the counter again as a muscled thigh slid between her own - the friction making her groan.

The groan broke through the haze and Olivia slowly pulled away, slightly disoriented by her actions. She felt her body pulled back against Alex and felt the ADA's warm breath against the sensitized lobe of her ear.

"Don't leave me Liv… please… just let this happen."

Olivia felt a small whimper escape her parted lips as permission was given to complete an act she had only ever fantasized about. She felt overwhelmed, hesitant but not even she could turn away such an opportunity. She slid her hands up, cupping the strong stubborn jaw - holding it still as she gently brushed her lips back and forth, teasingly, as she whispered softly.

"I want you Alex… I've always wanted you."

Alex licked her lips slowly, her tongue teasing the edge of Olivia's before sighing softly.

"Then what are you waiting for detective."

_A/N - Ehhhh, yes I know I am evil. This will be a three parter of how I wish NBC would let Stephanie March's character come back to the series. It will never happen that way but if I had a say... _


	2. Raw Emotions Revealed

Disclaimer: Characters are borrowed and belong to Dick Wolf and NBC.

**Raw Emotion Revealed**

Olivia blinked once, twice - registering the soft firm body that pressed into hers, the smooth warm skin that she held in her hands and the deep blue eyes that stared into hers patiently waiting for her to make the next move. A move she desperately wanted to make, a move that she knew would be whole heartedly reciprocated, a move that would forever change the relationship she had with the incredibly beautiful attorney. Shaking Olivia let her hands drop as she took a step back, trying to put distance between the two of them. It would be so easy to fall into the physical, but she couldn't risk taking that final step if Alex was just going to disappear again.

Alex felt her head turn slightly, confused by the detective's actions. She was quite capable of reading people and she could definitely read the need in the deep brown eyes that stared back at her. Her own body was still throbbing from the heated exchange they had shared earlier and she could only imagine the feelings, the release more of the same would cause. It had been… too long since she had put aside her pursuit of justice and allowed herself to find a release for the emotions she kept hidden from the world. Taking the initiative she stepped forward slipping her fingertips between the waistband of the boxers the detective had put on and warm skin, yanking the detective forward as her other hand tangled in the brunette's hair, cupping the back of her head as she pressed her lips forward.

She held herself away from actual contact. Letting her lips slowly slide back and forth across Olivia's parted pair. They shared several breaths as Alex gently kissed the corner of those full lips and then teased her tongue across the detective's upper lip, capturing the lower in a deliberately slow suction, scraping the sensitive flesh with the edge of her teeth as she pulled away. The groan that escaped the older woman was incentive enough and Alex slid her hand to a bared hip as she pulled the detective even closer, their lips meeting softly in gently exploration, parting in a mutual need to deepen, tongues tangled as they slowly dueled for a dominance neither cared to win.

Olivia knew she should pull away, but the sweetness of Alex's mouth kept her firmly in place. Her tongue stroked the attorney's as she deliberately slipped it in and out of the pliant mouth against her own - imitating an act they both wanted, an act this was slowly leading them to. Olivia had no intention of letting things progress past this point, not until she and Alex talked… but she wasn't enough of a masochist to deny her this simple pleasure. She pulled back slightly, biting the ADA's lower lip, drawing a gasp from the younger woman. She reached her hand up, covering the pale one cupping her head - lacing their fingers together as she pulled their hands down, gently kissing the back of Alex's hand as she pulled out of their kiss. She knew her voice shook but if she was to have any hope at preserving her self dignity she had to stop this while she still had the willpower.

"Tell me about the Congo."

Alex shook her head slightly, trying to clear it of the sensual haze Olivia had placed her in. She blinked and looked at the detective, confused by the abrupt end to their kiss. She licked her lips slowly, fighting the urge to close her eyes in the simple pleasure she derived from tasting Olivia on them. She didn't want to talk about the Congo. She didn't want to talk at all. She thought they had done enough talking over the years but she could see the iron resolve in the detective to put off what promised to be an incredible and beautiful experience in exchange for… small talk.

Alex slowly pulled her hand away, hurt and embarrassed by her passionate display. She refused to play this game. She was done dancing around their attraction. She didn't come here to talk, she came here to see if that kiss atop the SVU precinct, that kiss she had failed to banish from her thoughts, had been a fluke or something more. She hated the tears that stung her eyes, hated that Olivia could make her feel so deeply, hated that Olivia could make her so weak. She turned and quickly strode to the couch, picking up her coat. She made it as far as placing her hand on the doorknob before she felt her body halted by the firm grip on her wrist, followed by Olivia's soft voice.

"Alex wait."

Blue eyes flashing, the formidable ADA turned and yanked her arm free. Her voice harsh and cold even to her own ears.

"Fuck you Olivia. Fuck you. I didn't come back to talk about the damned Congo. I came back to see if what we have always avoided could be real. I came back to see if there was anything behind the kiss that has tormented my every waking moment since I left. I obviously came back for nothing."

Alex turned again and swung the door open. She took a step towards walking out of it and gasped as she felt the air whoosh across the side of her face as the door slammed shut, narrowly missing her. She felt her mouth open in shock and turned to see determined brown eyes glaring at her as Olivia growled dangerously, breathing her words in a low voice.

"Don't walk away Alex. Don't walk away from me again."

She turned, sneering derisively.

"Or what detective? What could you possibly do to hurt me anymore than you already have?"

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion at the attorney's words.

"Hurt you? How have I hurt you Alex? I am the one who is constantly being left behind. I am the one who is made to feel as though they matter only to be cut out of any and every decision you make. I've had enemies that have treated me better than you Cabot!"

Alex took two steps forward, and taking advantage of her slightly taller frame, looked slightly down at the detective, their faces inches apart. She glared, anger made her reckless and lust made her move. She planted her hands against firm shoulders and pushed - hard. She barely moved the brunette and so she pushed again - harder this time as she spat out her words.

"Just get away from me Olivia. I've been nothing more than a good friend to you and yeah, maybe I don't let you in on every little thing that is going on in my life but you know what sweetheart - neither do you. You want me to give and give and give while you give nothing in return."

She pushed the detective again.

"You think I don't know you've kept secrets from me Olivia. You have shared nothing with me. I found out about your mother from Cragen. I heard about your run in with the FBI and about your brother from Munch. I found out you helped delivery Elliot's son from Elliot and I found out about Sealview from Melinda!"

She shoved the older woman as hard as she could as her voice rose.

"You've shared nothing with me Olivia Benson - why would I share with you!"

Olivia let herself be pushed, let herself be manhandled - she was frozen by the sight of the tears that streamed down the beautiful ADA's face. She had never seen Alex cry - she had come close when they had said good-bye the first time she had been whisked away into Witness Protection but never anything like this. Slender shoulders shook as pale skin flushed pink and Olivia could not pull her eyes away from the naked agony on the face of the woman she loved.

The last push took all her strength and Alex found herself collapsing against the detective, sobbing into Olivia's shoulder as strong arms wrapped around her waist, holding her as a gentle voice whispered words of comfort and regret.

"You are right - absolutely right. I have shared nothing with you. I'm sorry… please don't cry… don't cry because of my stupid mistake."

Alex lifted her head, her heart pounding in her chest as Olivia reached her hand up and wiped away a stray tear as their eyes locked in a heated look.

She would never be sure who made the first move but Alex felt the moan escape her throat as her lips were assaulted by a warm generous mouth. She drank in the feeling of Olivia's mouth on hers and closed her lips around the detective's tongue as it passed between her lips. She opened her eyes to watch as Olivia's widened at the applied suction.

Another firm suck by the sexy blonde almost sent Olivia to her knees. She pulled back gasping, panting before her lips were pulled back for another taste, another tease. Firm high breasts pressed against her own as Olivia slid her hands down, cupping the firm denim covered ass as she lifted the beautiful on to the back of the couch. Her hands kneaded the warm muscles as she pressed herself between a pair of long shapely legs that had been a source of arousal from the first day she had met the attorney. She moaned loudly as those legs wrapped around her waist and forced her lips past Alex's down her firm jaw, lower down her neck to suck at the pulse point at the base of her throat. She scraped her teeth back up the sensitive flesh, feeling the woman against her shake as she cried out.

Alex had never felt need like this. She had never burned for a lover's touch before, never felt as though a single touch between her legs might be enough to send her over the edge. Her center throbbed, pounded with her increased heartbeat, and ached for attention. Her nipples were so hard they hurt and she wrapped her arms around the brunettes neck, arching up as she pulled the detective down.

Olivia nuzzled the valley between the ADA's breasts as she scooted the blonde forward and pressed her knee against the blonde's heated core. She could feel the heat through the denim, through Alex's and her own. The presence of which, caused her to clench her thighs together as her body screamed for more.

"God Liv more."

Alex begged, she had never begged and part of her pride rebelled but she was so desperate and they were so out of control. She groaned at the mix of pleasure and pain that came from Olivia's mouth as it wrapped its way around one of her jutting nipples that had tented the cotton material of the blonde's shirt. Her back arched and Alex reached back for support. She grasped nothing but air and opened her eyes in surprise as she slid over the back of the couch, dragging Olivia with her as they fell into an ungraceful pile of tangled limbs.

Stunned Olivia found herself atop her beautiful former ADA their faces both mirroring the absurdity of what had just transpired. She felt her lips twitch and spread into a wide grin, her lips parting as she began to voice her amusement. Her laughter was quickly joined by the attorney beneath her and both shook and struggled to breath beyond the humor. Olivia slid her body away and stood offering her hand down to the younger woman as she smiled brightly.

Alex grinned back up at the detective, her earlier anger forgotten as she slid her hand into a firm grasp - surprised with the ease in which Olivia pulled her from the floor. She tucked the hair behind her ear, flushing with embarrassment as the wantonness of their behavior. She looked down at the damp spot over one of her breasts and both hers and Olivia's tousled hair. She chanced a look found the detective's eyes on her.

"I guess age doesn't transcend awkwardness huh?"

Olivia started at the husky alto, shivering at the way Alex's tone spoke to the different parts of her heated body. She shook her head and grinned.

"No, I don't suppose it does. I have heard of falling head over heels for someone but I think we just took that phrase in its most literal sense."

Alex nodded and looked to the ceiling, expelling her breath slowly before loosing herself in the warm eyes that stared back at her. She looked down at their still clasped hands and smiled.

"Is that your way of telling me you are in love with me detective?"

Olivia shook her head slowly as she pulled the blonde towards her, stifling a groan at the perfect way they seemed to fit together. She pulled their joined hands around her back and cupped the ADA's cheek as she leaned forward, pausing as Alex's lips trembled against her own. Whispering softly before molding their lips together, Olivia made the hardest decision she had ever had to make - she who had always solicited confession from others gave her own freely.

"No counselor this is my way of telling you that I am and will never love anyone but."

She closed her eyes and sealed her declaration against the soft lips of the woman she had always dreamed of. She dared not deepen and she dared not pull away - unfortunately the decision was not hers alone to make.

Alex smiled as Olivia kissed her but pulled back for what she hoped was the last time to look into bottomless brown orbs that swam with all the emotions she had always sensed lurking in the brunette. She saw no regret, no hesitation and no walls and she saw, really saw, Olivia for the first time. Alex slowly slipped her hand away from the detectives and slid it beneath the hem of the fitted cotton shirt. She gripped the material and slowly began to inch it up over the toned abdomen. She caught Olivia's gaze as it dropped to see what she was doing and met the questioning look with a slow smile as Olivia huskily asked what she was doing.

"I have always believed actions speak louder than words detective… this is my way of showing you.

Olivia laughed and let the attorney pull her shirt up over her head.

"You always have to one up me don't you?"

Alex pressed a single finger to the detective's lips as she let her eyes drink in heavy breasts, dark peaked nipples and smooth toned skin that felt as silky as it looked. Her voice was rough and husky, even to her own ears.

"No more talking Olivia we have put this off long enough and if you don't shut up I'm going to have to please diminished capacity."

Olivia parted her lips teasingly and took the tip of the slender white finger against them into her mouth, slowly sliding her lips down the digit, sucking slowly as she drug her teeth along the skin as she moved her mouth away, enjoying the way ice shifted to cobalt in the never ending swirl of tone and hue that made up the blonde's captivating eyes. She smirked.

"Funny, you don't seem to be suffering from any mental defects…"

She gasped as her body was wrapped in an embrace that was much more aggressive and stronger than she would have imagined the ADA was capable of. She gasped as hot breath washed over her skin, the growled response to her teasing making her knees weak as she stared into a predatory gaze.

"Try ten years of pent up sexual frustration smart ass."

_A/N - When I wrote the first chapter I should have written them all - because the story I had mapped out in my mind has been obliterated by the insanity of real life. I have written this a dozen times and keep coming back to tweak it since part of me wants to keep it vaguely sexual and the other part is tempted to verbosely take it to a place that if every produced would have to debut on a completely different kind of network. This was left as a cliffhanger because it can go either way - but I am leaning towards a different network. I apologize for the long delay, the shortness of this chapter and for those of you who have reviewed - I will reply to you shortly. I appreciate the commentary, encouragement and knowledge that so many take the time to read. Thanks again._


	3. Stay

Disclaimer: Owned by NBC/Dick Wolf - Mature warning ahead

**Stay**

Olivia sat on the edge of her bed, her legs spread as her hands clenched and unclenched the muscles of her thighs. Her breathing was only slightly erratic to match the rythmatic pounding of her heart. The room was bathed in moonlight, which washed over the beautiful display of alabaster skin. She sat, drinking in the site of Alexandra Cabot - the woman she had been in love with for years, the woman she had been so sure would never want her in the same way, the woman she had been so sure she had lost. She watched as skillful hands and long slender fingers slowly slid over a lithe toned body, reaching for the hem of the fitted t-shirt that currently adorned the ADA's body.

Olivia's gaze was riveted to the small strip of flesh that was slowly revealed, her eyes traveling upwards with the movement of Alex's hands as more skin was exposed to her view. She heard the gasp that escaped her lips as the fabric was pushed higher to reveal small firm breasts which spoke to the blonde's own arousal. Olivia swallowed hard as she reached out, gripping trim hip as she slowly pulled the taller woman between her legs. She pressed an open mouth to the creamy skin that covered the toned abdomen and nuzzled her lips against the fragrant flesh - enjoying the hitch in the breathing above.

Alex felt her knees tremble as Olivia's warm mouth nuzzled, teased and tasted her skin. She bit back the urge to moan the older woman's name as that same mouth slid lower. She reached out and steadied herself against a firm shoulder as a teasing tongue flicked her navel.

"Liv…"

Olivia drew back and slowly pulled the blonde astride her. She gripped the shirt that had halted above Alex's breasts and looked deeply into the blue eyes that stared back and slowly inched the shirt higher - taking the lifting of thinly muscled arms as silent permission. Her eyes were riveted to the hardened pink peaks that sat eye level and subconsciously licked her lips slowly as her mouth dried with anticipation of performing acts held under the suppression of ten years of one-sided wanting. She forced her head to tip upwards and felt her eyes widen at the soft press and sweet taste of Alex Cabot. She slipped her tongue between parting lips as her hands slid into the back pockets of the blonde's tight jeans, cupping warm firm flesh. She tasted the groan her actions wrought from the beautiful woman and replied with one of her own as she pulled slender hips closer.

Alex flicked and slid her tongue against and around the firm muscle that dueled and teased within her mouth. She could feel the hesitancy and urgency in Olivia and shuddered as the older woman pulled their bodies closer. She pulled back to lose herself in the heated brown eyes that bored into her soul and slowly rolled her hips forward, pressing down on the detective - grinding slow and hard as she made her intentions clear.

Olivia slipped her hands free of the restricting denim and gripped the undulating hips tightly forcing them down hard, holding them still as she slid her lips slowly along the line of the ADA's firm jaw, whispering softly as she made a calculated decent.

"Is this real? "

Long blond hair shifted as the elegant line of a long slender neck curved, allowing the detective more access. Olivia slowly wrapped her tongue around the soft unadorned earlobe and sucked at the flesh slowly, her teeth clamping down lightly to tug and tease- enjoying the low moan that echoed above her before breathing against the damped skin.

"Tell me what you want, what you need - everything I have, all that I am is yours… just tell me what to do."

The tone, the words, the warmth of Olivia's mouth against her skin spoke directly to the throbbing between her thighs that she was trying to ignore. Alex shook her head and groaned softly.

"Just you Liv…"

She slid her hand through silken brown locks and leaned back, arching her back and biting her lip at the feel of warm breath against her hardened nipple. She gasped as she felt the tip of Olivia's tongue dart out to flick against the needy peak.

"Jesus Liv, touch me - taste me… "

She felt her eyes roll back slightly as her wish was granted, her command was obeyed and the submissiveness of a woman renowned for her strength was an erotic enjoyment the blonde had not anticipated. She loved the way her arousal was being fed, loved the soft touches bestowed upon her, the care the brunette was taking to awaken all her senses but the speed of it all was torture. She wanted this to last, wanted it to be memorable but her need was quickly outweighing the rational side of her brain and she fought the urge to strip the rest of their clothing off and take what she knew would be offered.

The scrape of teeth and the hard suction on her flesh wiped her of all thought. She moaned and fisted her hand in the long locks, holding Olivia to her as she pushed her free hand between them and pulled at her zipper. Her hand was caught in a vice grip as a low growl slipped through the needy haze.

"Not yet baby…"

Alex hated the sound she made at the back of her throat, that whiney mewl that was quickly transformed into a gasp as her body was lifted, their positions changed as she found her back pressed against soft sheets. She raised her arms overhead and gripped the thin sheets as a hot mouth fastened itself to the firm skin of her belly, teeth, tongue and lips trailing a teasing line south as steady hands slowly worked her jeans down inch by inch. She felt the cool air on her heated skin as denim slid past her hips, down her thighs and slowly away from her completely. She started to raise her head to see what would happen next but found her back arching, her head tossing against the tangled cloth as she felt that talented mouth against her core, lips and tongue pushing against the dampened fabric of her lacy panties.

Olivia inhaled deeply as she laved her tongue against the taunt fabric, pushing it between the ADA's folds as her nose butted the engorged bundle of nerves. She felt her lips twitch into a smirk at the loud reaction her movements earned. The night was silent save for the harsh pants and low moans that escaped parted lips and Olivia closed her eyes as she fought to ignore her own needs. Her body ached, pulsated and ached and it was damn hard to ignore - but she would forgo her own pleasure for now, in favor of committing the experience of Alex Cabot nearly naked, wet and wanting atop her bed. And God she was wet. Olivia bent her head and gave the attorney another long hard lick on top of the ruined fabric before moving her lips back up the lines and curves her eyes were enjoying getting to knew so well. She followed the curve of thigh to hip, hip to stomach and moved higher, letting her lips brush and linger over nipple still damp from her earlier exploration. She lifted her head and gazed at the long lean body bathed in moonlight.

"So beautiful… "

Alex lifted her head, forcing her body to relax back against the bed. She saw the love tangled with lust in the deep gaze that stared down at her exposed body. She reached forward and pulled Olivia against her, shifting her knee between the muscled thighs, pressing against her heated center still encased in fabric, still hidden from her view as much of the rest of the detective's body. A fact that needed to be promptly corrected. Alex sat up and pushed the slightly shorter woman away as she resumed their earlier position and perched atop the detective's body. She felt her mouth drop open as her eyes looked down the length of the clothed figure and let them slowly slide back up as her hands fell forward gripping, palming breasts bigger than her own and she moaned as Olivia moaned beneath her touch.

Impatience made her clumsy as she slid her fingers beneath the hem of the detective's white tee and pushed and pulled up till the offending fabric was off and more olive skin was exposed to her hungry gaze. She knocked the teasing hands that had slowly been snaking their way up her torso and laced their fingers together as she leaned down, pressing their naked flesh together. Her eyes drifted shut as the sensation of being breast to breast with the attractive brunette sent chills up her spine. She forced herself to look at the chiseled features that were beginning to show the strain of denial and Alex felt her lips curving into a smirk as she sought to break that iron control. Slowly she shifted, dragging her hardened nipples back and forth against Olivia's as she pressed her open mouth onto the brunettes, sucking at the firm tongue moaning at the lingering taste of herself as she ground down on the shifting hips beneath her. She pulled back as she shifted lower, letting her lips trail after her as she paid Olivia the same attention previous paid on her. The hand that fisted in her hair tugged painfully but she ignored it as she opened her mouth wider, exposing even more pliant sensitive flesh to the heat of her open mouth. Her fingers slipped between the waistband of the boxers Olivia wore, her palm gliding past trimmed curls to waiting wet heat.

Olivia gasped at the confident touch and spread her legs wider encouraging more of the same. Her stomach tightened and fluttered with anticipation and she tensed as two slender fingers slid between her folds and pressed deeper slowly, curling upwards slightly before their motion stalled and Olivia looked up into shifting blue hues and a knowing smirk as Alex Cabot's husky voice washed over her.

"Knowing I make you this wet is such a turn on - this is a first for me so…"

Olivia groaned and rolled her hips, pushing the still fingers deeper, the angle making her gasp before she leaned her head back against the pillow, smiling through the need burning inside her.

"Dammit Alex - just move… don't stop… just keep moving…"

The blonde nodded and slowly slid her fingers back and then pressed them in deep again, her thumb brushing against the detective's clit, eliciting a sharp cry. She watched the emotions on the detective's face, watched the reactions as she tilted her fingers higher, curved them in various angles - she was hooked, she was mesmerized by the show of pleasure that played across beautiful features and she was amazed that she was the cause of it. Watching intently she slowly slid her thigh over Olivia's pressing the muscled flesh against her own center - grinding as she slid her fingers out of the searing heat pausing momentarily before pushing them back in hard. The cry that escaped the brunette's lips coaxed one from her own as she moved faster, her thighs surrounding and gripping Olivia's - her wrist twisting as she loved harder, fucked faster and watched the incredible body beneath her tense as muscles readied a release from the mounting tension.

Olivia panted as she lifted an arm behind her head, gripping the headboard, using the stationary sturdy frame to push herself down as Alex pressed up. Their combined movements made the strokes smoother, faster and she almost came when she felt the blonde's hot mouth cover one of the aching points on her chest. The pressure from the applied suction made her clit throb in response, the erratic bumps from the attorney's hand were proving inadequate to send her over the edge. She moaned loudly and begged - begged for the first time in her adult life and for the first time words escaped her, her intellect obliterated by raw need. She panted the only words she could force her lips to form.

"Please… fuck… Alex…"

Alex shuddered as she slid lower, urged forward by the need in the breathless words that came from the women she loved, urged away from her own sough pleasure to fulfill another's. Roughly she slid her hand beneath the bent leg - her fingers digging into the firm muscles beneath the brunette, jerking the detective forward against her waiting mouth and groaned as she tasted Olivia for the first time. Tongue replaced fingers momentarily as Alex sought to further her own experience. She tightened the slick muscle and stabbed into pliant flesh, slipped between folds and curved upwards dragging the tip of her tongue against spongy walls. The grunts and gasps that continued to escape the normally stoic detective told Alex she was doing something right and drove her onwards. She kept Olivia open with one hand, her other slid higher to pinch, pull and tease the sensitive nerves stationed slightly above.

Olivia rolled her eyes back, closing them tightly as she focused her senses on the warm motion inside her and the hard teasing touches that held her on the break of orgasm. She moaned the attorney's name, her breathing ragged as her hips jerked erratically. She cursed as she felt tongue and fingers shift away and felt her back snap upwards as warmth surrounded her clit, and a talented tongue flicked her throbbing flesh as long fingers penetrated her body once more. She had never screamed anyone's name before, and it never occurred to her not to scream Alex's - she couldn't of stopped it if she had tried.

Alex gasped as her name echoed in the silence tinged with breathless pants and long low moans and felt the flesh between her lips throb as wetness gushed around her fingers, pooling in her palm and spilling across the sheets beneath them. She slowly continued the motion of her fingers as she watched the gorgeous brunette ride out her orgasm. Alex was almost certain she had fallen in love with the amazing woman all over again and smiled as she was yanked up the muscular body their mouths meeting in a slow, tender expression of feeling. Her smile widened as soft words were whispered against her lips when the detective pulled away.

"Your turn counselor."

She felt her body rolled over and gasped as her panties were ripped from her body. She gasped Olivia's name and bit her lip as the brunette responded simply by spreading her thighs, hooking one over her shoulder as she settled between the long limbs and dedicated her attention and focus to returning the selfless expression the blonde had given her.

Alex felt her body fall back on the sheets and shivered as the cool air settled on the thin sheen of sweat that covered her naked skin. She reached for the brunette below and groaned laughingly as the stubborn detective evaded her grasp to give her body another teasing lick. She sighed contently as strong arms surrounded her and relaxed in the embrace. They lay there, bodies intertwined as the air cooled their heated flesh. Alex felt the soft kiss against her temple as Olivia whispered four words that Alex knew she had waited forever to hear and would never tire of.

"I love you Alexandra."

She turned slightly and smiled as she returned the sentiment.

"I love you Olivia."

She caught the sadness in the brunettes eyes and turned to fully face her. She touched her cheek softly.

"What is it?"

Olivia wanted to shrug off the cloud that had fallen over her elation. She wanted to hide behind her walls and tell the blonde it was nothing, but she fought the urge and met the piercing blue gaze head on.

"When are you going back?"

Alex squinted slightly, her mind still foggy from the activities moments earlier.

"Back where?"

Olivia pulled away slightly and turned away.

"Back to the Congo."

Alex bit her lip and paused before answering. She leaned up on her elbow and gently cupped the brunette's face, turning her so she could speak directly to the brown eyes that she would always find haunting. She whispered softly as she placed a gently kiss on full lips.

"Come back with me Olivia."

She watched as the detective clenched her teeth causing her prominent jaw to jut stubbornly. She knew her request would rile the checked anger and aggression from earlier - but God help her she wasn't ready to leave this behind and she was equally loathe to give up on the under represented people in that part of the world. There, she could see the difference she made, there she could feel as if she was doing something and not just spinning the wheels of justice in the civilized setting of the legal system. She could see the older woman struggling to resurrect the walls she had so recently brought down.

"No, no baby don't do that… don't hide from me, don't…"

Olivia closed her eyes to the pleading husky voice the shook her to the core of her being. She wanted nothing more than to listen to that voice, she wanted to follow that voice she wanted to spend the rest of her life waking up to that voice but the price was too high. She heard the break in her own voice as she turned away from the blond.

"I can't just leave Alex… I have a life here, a good life. I have friends, a career that I have put my heart and soul into… I have a pension that I walk away with in five more years… "

She stopped as a firm finger was placed over her lips and turned to look as the woman she loved whispered gently.

"In short you have everything you need Liv… everything but me."

Alex watched as the detective nodded before confirming her statement.

"Yes… I have everything I have ever needed or wanted… everything but you."

Alex cupped the back of the older woman's head and pulled her mouth close as she whispered - seduction bleeding through the soft huskiness of her voice.

"It is enough Liv?"

Olivia refused to give in and gave the ADA a pointed look.

"Is the Congo enough for you Alex?"

The blonde shook her head at the stubbornness they both shared. Once again their work was coming between them… had it really ever not come between them - she couldn't recall a time, a moment when they had not turned away from unspoken emotion to face the horrors of a job they seemed to be uniquely good at.

"I can't go back to SVU Liv."

Olivia shook her head.

"And I can't leave it Alex… not yet."

She felt betrayed by her own lust, betrayed by the beautiful act they had given into, betrayed by the woman she loved, betrayed by the circumstances that continually seemed stacked against them. She knew if she walked out that door - Olivia might always love her, but she would never give her another chance. She thought of all the lonely nights spent in jungle heat, all the lonely nights spend in a cold city that never slept… all the lonely nights she had filled with images and fantasies of the woman she now held in her arms and she knew that she would regret it the rest of her life. Taking a deep breath she took a chance.

"What if I stay… "

Olivia blinked back her confusion and stared at the lawyer.

"What?"

Alex repeated her earlier statement.

"Would it be enough if I stayed?"

Olivia refused to hope, refused to allow herself to think that the beautiful woman in her arms might actually be contemplating giving up her commitments elsewhere, she refused to believe that she was enough for Alexandra Cabot. She looked away, afraid to let the blonde read what was in her eyes.

"It would be enough for me Alex, but not for you and I wont be cause behind your sacrifice. I can see that you love the work you are doing. I can see the way your eyes light up when you mention it… I saw it on the courthouse steps and I refused to stop you then."

Alex listened and internally shook her head at the stubbornness in this women - she was willing to give all of herself to others and yet take nothing in return. She was correct in her assessment - Alex did love her work, she did love seeing the good her actions did but she loved Olivia more. She rested her head on the pillow, her eyes taking in the way the strands of blond mixed among strands of brown. She reached over and slid her fingers gently through the brunettes, tightening her grip as she raised their joined hands up, planting a soft kiss on olive skin. She looked into Olivia's eyes and whispered softly.

"You are worth giving all that up and more. I've been a fool for so long - I've put every barrier I could think of between us and let you do the same. You told me it would never be casual for you - well it isn't casual for me. Besides…"

Alex let her lips part in a teasing grin as she pressed her lips to the back of Olivia's hand again.

"Do you really think that after a night like tonight I could even think of leaving?"

Olivia stared skeptical to the end, but her heart was bursting with the desire that perhaps the blonde wasn't making things up, bursting with the knowledge that Alex felt she was worth the sacrifice. She slowly shook her head, feeling the corners of her lips being tugged by the smile she so desperately wanted to deny.

Alex caught the twitching lips and felt her own curve into a knowing smirk. She leaned up over the detective, content for the time being to let Olivia have her stubborn moment. Gently she pressed her lips to the shapely mouth beneath her, parting hers and Olivia's lips with her tongue - loving the way the brunette took control. Desire re-awakened along with a renewed sense of peace settled in the blonde and as she pulled away, she smiled.

"But I won't say no if you want to convince me further detective."

Olivia flashed the beautiful ADA her infamous lop-sided grin as she pulled her down for another searing kiss.

"Stick around counselor, I am just getting warmed up."

Alex moaned softly as wandering hands trailed down her body and returned the lop-sided grin she loved to see.

"Well that's the plan now isn't it."

She laughed as the detective pulled her under the covers and proceeded to show her all the reasons why she should stay, both knowing that Alex had already found reason enough when Olivia said "I love you."

_A/N - Thank you for all the comments and reviews. I hope this last chapter was enjoyed - (its been awhile since I've written anything overtly graphic) I can't say this would be anything they would EVER show on TV but if they would just bring Cabot back I would be happy… till then… _


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